the holiday time of the year has come upon us again. black friday is just around the corner and the most gleeful exchange of gifts is only a few short weeks away. most major retail venues have hoisted the cheery holiday swag, pumped the requisite holiday tunes into their sound systems, and have begun the traditional bombardment of holiday sales.
as you head off into the wonderful world of mass holiday merchandising to seek out those oh-so-perfect gifts that express all the feelings that you've kept pent up throughout the year, please remember this one thing: the customer service sales associate standing before you hates having to work during the holiday season just as much as you hate particpating in the rabid shopping frenzy.
* do not knock ALL of the clothes or toys off aisle tables- its not a game of see how long it takes for the associate to REDO the damn table. yes, you can navigate AROUND the tables without leaving a path of unholy destruction in your wake
* do not wander around shopping 30- 90 minutes AFTER closing time--- if you havent found what you're looking for by closing- THEN YOU WILL NOT FIND IT. get out! go home! let us poor associates go!!!! we want to go home too!!! because believe it or not, we are not allowed to leave the store until after the last shopper leaves. SO GO HOME
* do not leave your foul 300 ounce big swigs laden with saliva, lipstick, food stains, and children grime on counters, on clothing tables, in changing rooms or on floors--- and please don't expect us to put them in our trash bins--- we do not want your disgusting germs anywhere near us. go find a trash recepticle out in the mall that is far far far away from us.
* DO NOT PEE in dressing rooms (yes, it happens- but we prefer you pee in the restrooms-- you sick dirty bastards)
* do not VOMIT in dressing rooms (go home if you are that ill)
* give up on the GIFT RECEIPTS-- that only wastes register tape, wastes time-- and dammit- whatever happened to the old days when gift giving was about saying "Thank you" and lumping what you got rather than being about "Oh, it doesn't matter- If he/she doesn't like it then they can return it." ---this sort of mentality is what contributes to our throw-away society, it tells gift recipients that you really don't care if they like what you are getting them, and it also says that you really don't care to spend enough time with a person to determine what they like or dont like. and for you hard-to-shop for idiots--- stop being so damn picky, show your appreciation and love by accepting the gift and appreciating that someone made the effort at all--- remember for every gift you turn your nose at because it isn't perfect, there is someone out there in this world not getting any gift at all nor is spending any time with any loved one--- you should be grateful not picky or petty or obnoxious. Tell your kids/nephews/neices/cousins/etc. to SUCK IT UP... Christmas isnt about getting the perfect gift- its about being together. So wear the damn kitten sweater and get the hell out! OR GIVE GIFT FRIKKIN CARDS bastards
* and, yes- KEEP ALL OF YOUR DAMN RECEIPTS. if you aren't organized enough to keep the receipts of the things you purchase, then perhaps you should consider alternative gift giving ideas- like crafting homemade gifts such as ashtrays constructed of gum wrappers, paper mache and rubber cement. the more handmade it looks the more it looks like you care.
* and don't come back in March trying to return your damn christmas presents!
* and don't come back after you've worn your christmas presents looking to return them for cash refunds.
On a serious note:
INSIST that the associate taking your check or credit card is checking your identification. Even if your debit/credit card has your photo on the card. The more you make it clear to associates that you want them to verify i.d. the more associates will be forced to learn to do so.
For those of you who get insulted by being asked for your i.d.- get over it. I will ask for your i.d. I always ask for your i.d. I don't care that you've shopped my store for 20 years, have had the store's credit card for 10 years, or just used your card/check in another department 5 minutes ago, and say, "no one's ever asked for my i.d. before." I don't care. Have it ready- and make certain that it matches the name on your card/check, and make certain that it is current and NOT expired.
And anyone working in any industry that involves the exchange of payment for goods or services- Subway, McDonalds, Walmart, Target, JCPenney, Sears, Hallmark Cards--- doesn't matter where you work. You should ALWAYS check id, and never be afraid to refuse expired i.d. or question i.d. that looks fake or notify your managers when you suspect fraud.
thank you for taking the time to read this public service announcement. as always, shop safely, shop happily, and shop early.
That's it, I'm done. Putting the soap box away for now.
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